Kharl's Office
by sesshykharl
Summary: Kharl is the principal of a school full of trouble makers and has to deal with one at least once a day. Will he last or crumble under the chaos
1. Trouble Trouble TROUBLE

_Hello all my Fans and other readers. This is a remake of Kharl's Office. Sorry it has taken me so terribly long to re-post or post anything. I've been a little busy. Hope you enjoy. I have a few O.c. in this fic._

_Okay the Disclaimer: I do not repeat do not own any of the characters in Dragon Knights or the story. So please don't... ah... Well I think you get it.

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Kharl looked up from his work as he heard the angry, squeaky voices of his most esteemed janitors. Esteemed? Maybe in hell. Oh well were here and they worked for little money which was good, but Nadil's little helpers demanded that he, Kharl the alchemist and the principal of Dragoon High, give their so called "lord" a raise. That's a maybe in hell to thought Kharl.

Soon Kharl was looking at a slightly happy but pouting Rath, angry Rune, and a moping, crying Thatz. "So boys…. This is your fifth visit to my office this week and fiftieth time this month and were only two weeks in. What did you do? Set fire to something? Break something? Eat something that wasn't yours?" asked Kharl in a dreamy happy voice that freaked so many people out.

"THEY …….." Nadil and his lackeys were instantly cut off by Kharl.

"Now Dilly-bar, I believe I was talking to the three boys that are being accused by you for something that may be your wild imagination." Said Kharl coldly as he glared at Nadil. He turned to the boys and in that happy cheery voice again said, "Now what happened boys?"

Rath looked at his crazy principal and said, "Not every one is here. We had a bit of help."

"You did? Who helped you Rath son?"

"Don't call me Rath son."

"Sorry Rath honey."

"Don't call me any weird names you stupid alchemist who has to many mental issues and should be put in the mental house."

Kharl just brushed off the insults and asked, "so who helped Rath?" Rath gave him the list. Soon Lim Kaana, Alfeegi, Bierrez, Reema, Kitchel, Fedelta, Gil, Cesia, Ruwalk, Saabel, Ringleys, Zoma, and Tintlet entered the small room that couldn't hold this many bodies. "Um…. Okay. Now that everyone is present what ah… happened?"

The many people all began at once making Kharl sweat drop at the chaotic seen. Alfeegi's voice was well heard by all through the shouts of the others. "Why the HELL am I here! I am innocent! INNOCENT!"

"Mr. Alfeegi, I have absolutely no idea why you are here. Rath gave me a list of all possible trouble makers." Said Kharl.

"HE WHAT!" shouted all the new comers at Kharl.

"um… why don't we start. Um… Rune what is your side of the story?"

**_Rune's story_**

I was on my way to the lunch room to have a nice lunch that I had been eagerly waiting for since I had to skip my breakfast this morning. THANKS TO CERTAIN SOMEONE WHO THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO USE EVERYTHING IN MY CUBOARDS TO MAKE HIS "FAMOUS" PORRIDGE. I was waiting in the ever so long line, when Rath decided that it would be a good idea to fling food into the air from other people's trays as they walked by. I scolded Rath but he never listens, so of course he continued. That is when I got pissed, but I fumed quietly. When I finally got my food and sat down with the others, Thatz decided that it was okay to steal food to stuff his face. Then he gets all angry when a table comes crashing down on his head and accuses me of doing it. Then I found myself in here. There.

_**End of Rune's story**_

"Aaaaahhhh, ooookaaay. Thank you for you're story." Kharl said as he pretended to take notes. Nadil had been looking in his direction for quite some time.

"okay my turn…." Began Nadil.

"You will do no such thing…" said Kharl.

"THEN IT IS MY TURN!" shouted Alfeegi.

"No, it is Thatz' turn." Said Kharl through his blank note pad. "begin"

Thatz mumbled through his whole story. Nobody understood, Nobody ever cared they just wanted out. Rath's story was full of demon fighting, escaping the clutches of demons and even more demons. There was no useful information in his story what so ever. Then the bell rang. Everyone let out a sigh of relief. Even our cheery Kharl.

"Well…. You are all to report here after school. I myself had best go get some lunch less I wish to faint from fatigue."

"Why don't you just do that, it will do us all a go favor." Kharl never heard the comment Rath had given him he was already out the door with his wallet in hand. He was going to meet some people for lunch.

_(in the restaurant…)_

Two blondes and three brunets sat a table with Lykouleon and Raseleane. One of the blondes was playing with a lighter, the other was sharpening a holey-knife. One of the brunets was shouting as Feegi would, another was laughing at the one who was yelling (they looked like twins), and the last one stared at the two blondes with a creepy smile. Kharl wondered what would happen if he hired them.

"Mr. Alchemist, welcome." Came Lykouleon's voice over the shouting of the one brunet. Kharl found a spot to sit, next to the one with the interesting knife.

"Hello, Lord Lykouleon." Said Kharl, "who are these young ladies?"

"These ladies wish to be teachers at your school." Lykouleon said as if the girls didn't look dangerous at all. Just then Kharl noticed a dark figure in the corner of the booth. Lykouleon continued, "Tetheus would also like to be a teacher or something like that. He never really told me."

Kharl noticed that someone was pulling at his robe and turned his head to see the blonde with the knife grinning widely at him "My name is Amaya, Lord Kharl. I would like to teach at your school."

"How can I be sure you won't murder my students?" Kharl asked

"Why would I do that?" Amaya asked as her smile fell.

"I don't know. You just look a little dangerous with that knife." That made the blonde laugh. She put the knife back into its sheath as the waiter came around but she passed them by and went to another table. "What are your names?" asked Kharl to the other girls.

"The names Kaosu" Said the other blonde.

Kharl couldn't resist the urge to comment. "Isn't that more of a boy's name." The blonde just shrugged her shoulders as she stared at the fire in amassment. 'She would get along with Fedelta a little to well.' Thought Kharl.

The one with the creepy smile then said her name, "Sayuri."

The one that was shouting earlier was Luned and the one that was laughing was Keanna and they were twins. In the end Kharl only had worries about Kaosu. He wasn't sure if she'd get through a school day with out burning a student or teacher.

"Since you are all interested in working at my school. Do you think you could give me an idea for the ideal punishment for some trouble makers?" Kharl asked the group.

Kaosu answered as Kharl had expected her to. "Burn them."

But it was Sayuri who came up with the best plan.

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_Hoped you enjoyed. Now please be kind enough to review and if you don't……… Ah………… Well never mind. Just review and I will continue… Eventually…_


	2. Eggy Colony

**_Hello every one I am back. Wow it's been a long time since i've updated anything. And i am really, really sorry. School and stuff seem to rule my life, not me. Well here is the Second Chapter to Kharl's Office. Enjoy._**

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own Dragon Knights or any of the charcter that appear in this fic unless they do not show in another manga or anime.

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Sayuri's idea was indeed sinister. It was perfect. It was well planned and it was just Kharl needed. "Eggs. You're going to need a lot of eggs. And with that alchemic power of yours, I bet you could work wonders. Then hand them out to these 'troublemakers' after pairing them up. They will have to act like responsible parents."

"Ah, come on Sayuri. That is one of the oldest things in the book and it really isn't that much of a punishment." Amaya looked bored.

"I think it's the perfect plan." Lykouleon's cheerfully said.

"Obviously you have never suffered through a scary high school health class have you?" Lykouleon stared at Amaya blankly, "just what I thought."

"Amaya, I believe you're forgetting a few factors in what Sayuri said." Luned started and to Amaya's horror she listed what she had forgotten. "1. The children that Kharl is trying to punish will never agree to be paired with one another. 2. With Kharl using alchemy on the eggs they will surely turn out to be vicious demons. So Amaya, you see that this is no normal pairing and egg giving."

"You know Luned you are a very scary person." Amaya received an icy glare for that one. The gaze moved from Amaya to Kaosu (whose lighter seemed to go out in a flash, even the flame seemed frightened of the young girl.) to Kharl who closed his mouth quickly and began to chew with his mouth shut.

The group finished their meals and started to fight over who would pay. "Surely I must pay." Kharl said as he opened his wallet and pick out a hundred dollar bill.

"No, no. Not you Lord Kharl. I will pay." Amaya said quickly as she reached into her boot.

"Oh, you mustn't pay for this dear Amaya." Raseleane said, "My Lord will pay. He is the one who invited you."

"No, no. I wanna pay." Little to everyone's knowledge, Tetheus quietly handed the waiter his credit card, and was now signing the receipt. The waiter's voice rang over the arguing crowd. "Have a good day and thanks for coming."

The group looked dumbfounded until they saw the receipt in Tetheus' hands. Amaya let out a screech. "No! How could you! I wanted to pay!"

"It's ok, it's okay." Sayuri soothed the raging blonde.

Keanna mumbled something that sounded like "That waiter looked some what familiar."

"Okay. Well thank you Tetheus. I best be off. Back to the school I go to deal out the punishment." Kharl turned to go, and turned back a bit and said, "Oh and before I forget. Come to the school today at 2 o'clock sharp. Then I will see if you are worthy enough to be a teacher at my school." And with that he left. But not before he felt Luned's cold gaze on his back that seemed to say that if you do not approve of me or my friends you will surely die a horrible and painful death. _Well, I will test them along with punishing my students and that horrible disgusting Dilly-bar who I will make wish he had never lived or came anywhere near. This is an odd thought but I think I knew that waiter. He looked oddly familiar._

Kharl went and picked up a couple dozen eggs and returned to his office. There he found his 'special powders' and other stuff. God only know what the hell he kept in that room.

Soon his eggs were glowing with a creepy alien green glow. "Rise, oh yes, Rise my beautiful eggy children. Rise and let Papa hug you, and show you affection that any father should." His eggy's rose. They were an odd sea foam green, with chicken legs, buggy eyes, and razor sharp teeth. And of course our Kharl just had to pet one. I think we know the outcome of this but just incase you don't know. He was bit.

Kharl whimpered, "It doesn't hurt, I swear… okay maybe a little…. OKAY! IT HURTS, IT HURTS! LET GO! LET GO! OH PLEASE, ON THE DEAR GODS ABOVE RELEASE MY POOR DEFENSELESS FINGER FROM THE PAINFUL GRASP OF YOUR TINY SHARP TEETH! I SOULD HAVE NEVER LISTEN TO THAT WITCH! SHE WAS CREEPY! OOOOOOWWWWWWWW! LET GO!" Kharl was swing his hand up and down hoping it would make the evil eggy release, but in fact that eggy only dug its sharp pointed teeth further into the gloved finger. The eggy crowd cheered the eggy on.

That's when Garfakcy came to save the day. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE KHARL!"

"The eggy bit me." Kharl's eyes were large and teary. He looked most disgraceful. Garfakcy saw the egg gnawing at Kharl's finger, but the eggy crowd was now silent.

"Kharl, what the hell did you do to the '_eggy'_" Garfakcy said as he tried to pry off the demonic egg that threaten to chew Kharl's finger to ribbons.

Kharl sniffed. "I tried to pet it and show it affection."

"Kharl, you know that's _scary."_ Garfakcy said as he finally got the 'eggy' to release his master.

"Label that one for Dilly-bar." Kharl crossed his arm and glared at the 'eggy'. But alas this did not last long. As fast as Kharl was angry with 'eggy' he once again tried to pet 'eggy'

CHOMP!

And once again the process of freeing Kharl had begun again.

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**_Who is the 'familiar waiter' and what will happen to poor Kharl. Well you're going to have to wait and see. Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ha. Um... sorry about that. I will try to update soon. Heh.. yeah... right... see ya._**


	3. The Awfully Beautiful Pairings

At two o'clock the 'trouble makers' filed into Kharl's office. They note a few changes in their wacko principal. He was now disheveled. One of his hands and the arm it was attached to was wrapped very delicately in gauzy bandages. He held to egg cartons in his good arm as he rested the other one on his lap. "Where are the others and Shydy and Dora?" Kharl asked.

"Shydy and Dora slipped on a wet floor I just managed to clean of wet, stinking, sticky, dragon pies. I think…"

"Uh, uh, un." Kharl stopped Dilly's flapping mouth. "Do not accuse my beloved Rath of placing such pies on my school's floor." The smile that had previously been on Rath's face faded in an instant when he heard 'beloved.'

"Did I hear what I thought I heard you call me you fucked up alchemist." Rath raged and started for Kharl when he heard a squeal.

"Lord Kharl!" A girl with golden blonde hair ran past Rath and glomped the crazy bandaged alchemist. He dropped the cartons of 'eggys' who were heard screaming as their boxes clattered to the floor. Two other squeals were heard. "Gil! Fedelta!" A blonde held both boys in a bone-crushing hug. The other kindly held one of Gil's hands as if it were holy.

Three other figures entered the room. The six new bodies only made the room more suffocating.

One of the six new people walked over to Kharl who was still being violently hugged by the golden blonde haired one. "Sorry we are late. Amaya broke the heel on one of her boots _and_ we_ just _had to go home and get another pair of boots."

"Um… Miss Amaya could you lessen your grip. You're hurting my already injured arm."

"What!" Amaya's eyes quickly went to his arm as she released him from her death grip. "Omigawd! I am so-" Another figure of the six walked up and knocked out Amaya. She was almost identical to the one who had informed Kharl why they were late.

"There. She will have a headache for awhile." Said the one who knocked out Amaya. "We warned her. Right guys?" Three of the girls gave cheery 'yeps' and the dark figure in the back nodded.

"Thanks, Miss Keanna." Kharl said to the one who had knocked out Amaya. Amaya was coming to as Kharl said this.

"Ow! That hurt you know!" Came the moan from the ground.

"We warned you." Came Luned's cold reply. Keanna chuckled, "Want some help?"

"No, no I can get up." After a few wobbly tries, "Maybe… Damn this sucks. Yo, any one got Advil. My head is poundin'"

"I do but I ain't givin' you any." Said Sayuri who was holding Gil's hand.

"What the hell is going on!" Alfeegi's face was turning an interesting shade of blue purple. "Who the hell are these people! They aren't even on the schedule!"

Kharl stared at the strawberry blonde. "Oh, yeeeeaaaahhh." He started as if he forgot something. His face turned to its awfully cute and adorable happy expression. "I was supposed to send you the new schedule. But at the time I was getting my arm torn apart by one of my loving and adorable children, 'Eggy'."

Everyone sweatdropped. So this is why he had bandaged his arm. "Now before I forget. Everyone, file into the hall just outside my room. Girls on one wall, boys on another."

Everyone but the six from the lunch table did as he had asked. Five of the six looked at him a little confused. "You too." And they did as he said.

Everyone took their positions at their designated wall and waited for instructions. Kharl cleared his throat. "I will be pairing you with… Saabel why are you on the male side of the hall?"

"Well, you know, I'm a guy." Saabel mumbled.

"Well, you don't look like a guy at all. To the girls side now." Saabel refused to move. Kharl just sighed and continued. "As I was saying. I will be pairing you with someone of the opposite se.. Uh, gender. I don't want your minds to go to the gutter, you know. Now to start, Dilly-bar you will be paired with the Fair Lady Tintlet."

"NOOOOOOOOO!" screamed a desperate Rune as he flung himself on the floor at Kharl's feet his long, manicured fingernails digging into Kharl's ankles, "I BEG OF YOU! I'LL DO ANYTHING! DON'T PAIR TINTLET WITH _HIM_!"

Kharl squeaked as blood began to gush from ankles, "All right, all right! Just no more injuries!"

Amaya leaped for the elf, a kitchen knife covered in holes in one hand, "Don't touch Lord Kharl!" Rune jumped backwards, startled by the satanic sound in the young woman's voice. He narrowly missed being stabbed by the flying knife. It quivered ominously in the tile floor as everyone watched in horror.

Except for one brave, brave soul. Keanna pulled an aluminum baseball bat out of nowhere. Amaya threw herself on her own knees as Keanna advanced, "Please! I beg of you! I didn't mean it! My emotions just took over…"

Keanna paused thoughtfully before saying in a wistful, dramatic voice, "To show mercy or not to show mercy? That is the question…NO MERCY!" With a yell she arced the baseball bat over her head towards Amaya. Amaya screamed bloody murder but there was no need. Keanna showing great self-control stopped the bat an inch above her friend's head and…giggled. "All right then, get back in line!" she said cheerily and Amaya complied.

"What was that about?" asked a shell shocked Lim Kaana.

"Oh, she was in _Hamlet_," said Sayuri boredly, totally misunderstanding the question.

"V-very well th-then," began Kharl shakily the kitchen knife still quivering in the ground at his feet, "Rune and Tintlet will be paired together and Dilly-Bar shall be paired with…" Kharl glanced around looking for someone who would effectively torture Dilly-Bar. He looked at Amaya, and then looked away, he had a feeling that she would kill even him if he even entertained the idea. So he turned his thoughts back to how to torture Nadil and one word came to mind, fire. "Miss Kaosu."

"Who's that?" asked Nadil truly puzzled. He felt a strange heat at the tips of his hair, it was moving steadily towards his head. That could only mean one thing… "ACK! MY HAIR'S ON FIRE! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR THAT DORA WASHES EVERYDAY AND SHYDY STYLES! NO! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A TERRIBLE THING?"

"That would be me partner!" the girl with short blonde hair informed him, smiling widely and making a peace sign, "The name's Kaosu. We're going to have such a great time together!"

_Yes…_ Kharl thought to himself, _this will work out perfectly…_ "Next we have Fedelta and Lim Kaana."

"WHAT!" shrieked Lim Kaana, hoping beyond hope that her crazy principal was joking for once in his career.

A painful, girlish shriek reverberated in the hallway. Everyone turned to see that Fedelta had spontaneously combusted, badly burning Saabel who was standing next to him.

Kharl clucked his tongue, "Now don't you wish you'd gone to the girl's side like I told you to Saabel?" Saabel merely whimpered and fell over.

"Now let's see," began Kharl gleefully, there was nothing like causing other people pain to heal your own spirits, "Let's pair Alfeegi up with his under-aged, midget girlfriend, Reema."

Alfeegi's face turned dark red as he stomped toward the alchemist principal. However things did not go as he had expected when his foot landed heavily on Saabel who was lying on the floor. He tripped and landed on the poor, effeminate demon where he fainted dead away at the smell of burnt flesh.

Kharl smiled, he felt like he was on top of the world today. Everything was going as he planned with a few extra humorous quirks. All in all he was quite enjoying himself. "Hmm…why don't we pair Thatz with Kitchel."

"WHAT THE HELL! I AM NOT BEING PAIRED WITH HIM/HER!" they both shouted at the exact same time, glaring at each other as they listed off the reasons why they should not be paired together.

"HE EATS ALL MY FOOD! I'LL STARVE!"

"SHE STEALS ALL MY STUFF! I'LL BE LIVING ON THE STREETS BY THE END OF THE WEEK!"

"HE'S TOO LAZY!"

"SHE'S A WITCH I TELL YOU! A WITCH!"

"NO! SHE'S THE WITCH!" yelled Kharl as he got in the spirit of things and pointed at Sayuri.

"I'm touched," said Sayuri dryly. Thatz and Kitchel took no notice.

"HE'LL DO SOMETHING PERVERTED! I JUST KNOW IT!"

"WHAT? AS IF! I ONLY LIKE _CUTE _GIRLS!"

"WHAT! HOW DARE YOU!" Kitchel pointed at Tetheus, "HEY TALL, DARK, HANDSOME GUY! BEAT HIM UP FOR ME!"

Tetheus blinked then glared then looked at the floor.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Kitchel dumbfounded.

"I speak glare! Luned speaks in it all the time so I'm quite fluent!" said Keanna.

"Well, what did he say?" asked Kitchel impatiently.

"He said he isn't interested in women and if he were they would be older than you. Nor is he interested in men. So wipe that smirk off your face Nadil. Now, please stop pointing at him. It's very rude," translated Keanna, "Did I get it right?" Tetheus and Luned nodded.

Kharl felt a light bulb well…light up…above his head. "And Tetheus will be paired with Amaya!"

"Huh? Why not someone who can speak glare or whatever like the clones over there?" asked Thatz stupidly.

"CLONES?" screamed the outraged girls. "OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" cried Luned. Kharl cleared his throat, "We have a policy about using weapons against students here without a pass. Nobody really follows it but still I thought I'd mention it. Beginner teachers are only allowed to use weapons against other teachers or for physical education," Kharl informed them.

"Is that a rule?" growled Luned. "Technically yes," said Kharl. Luned slumped to the floor defeated, she couldn't break a rule. "It's all right Luned, I have my bat!" said Keanna, once again summoning the aluminum baseball bat out of thin air.

"WELL WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! KICK HIS A-…HINDQUARTERS!" screeched Luned, pushing Keanna towards Thatz. Keanna grinned evilly.

"You know," said Thatz backing up as Keanna advanced, "At first glance I thought the other one was the evil twin. But now I see how very wrong I was…SOMEBODY SAVE ME!"

Thatz was indeed saved by a very unexpected person. Sayuri extended one foot and tripped Keanna who fell to the floor with a crash. "What was that for?" whined Keanna. Sayuri sighed and responded like a mother who was reminding her children why it was important to brush their teeth daily, "What do I always say about murdering with witnesses around?"

"Don't do it," chorused Keanna, Kaosu, and Amaya grudgingly. Luned merely glared before saying haughtily, "I know that. That's why I take care of my victims in dark alleys!"

"Note to self: Don't go in dark alleys," muttered Kharl to himself. "Don't worry, I'll be there," cooed Amaya in a sickly sweet voice. "Note to self: Never leave office," muttered Kharl. All of Kharl's pleasant feelings evaporated like…well…what evaporates very quickly? Anyway he felt it was best to turn the topic of conversation back to pairings. After all anything was better than murder if the murder victim was not Dilly-Bar. He cleared his throat, "Anyway, if you ladies would get back in line we'll continue with our business here today…"

"Hey wait, I still want to know why you're pairing your stalker with the guy in black over there?" asked a surprisingly stubborn Thatz.

"Well, I have a feeling she can make anyone talk, am I right?" Kharl asked the witch.

"Yep she most definitely can! Whether with her bubbly personality or lengthy, inhumane torture, she can make anyone talk!" Sayuri informed the hallway's inhabitants with a smile that was far too wide.

Kharl felt even more of his accumulated happiness drain from him. In his mind he struggled to find a safe pair, i.e. one that wouldn't kill each other and for all his might he just couldn't think of one. Oh well, he'd have to take a gamble on this one. "Our next group will be Gil and the witch."

"Who is the witch?" asked Gil.

"Apparently I am," said Sayuri. Gil shrugged while Kharl stared dumbfounded. No one had made a fuss. Maybe he could pair one of the other teacher candidates with someone, "How about Bierrez and Keanna," he said.

"No! I wanted to be with Cesia!" cried Bierrez.

"What was that?" asked Keanna, summoning her bat for the third time.

"Uh…I like mints?" offered Bierrez as he stared wide-eyed at the bat.

"We like mints too!" said the twins happily, for once they were united in their opinion. You shouldn't get used to it.

Kharl's quickly crushed confidence was once again growing, "Our next pair will be Ringleys and Saabel."

Saabel however was once again conscience. He let out another girlish scream, partly from waking to find another man on top of him. He had the natural thoughts like, what the hell happened last night? That was until he remembered Fedelta's spontaneous combustion and the pain of someone stomping on him before everything went black but most importantly he remembered the words that had just come out of the principal's mouth.

"NOOOO! HE'S A FAIRY! HE'LL EAT MY BRAINS AND SUCK OUT MY LIVER AND THEN GO FROLICK IN A FIELD OF FLOWERS!" screamed Saabel hysterically.

"Excuse me! I am a man! I do not frolick in fields of flowers!" protested Ringleys.

"Oh be quiet Ringleys, we all saw you last weekend," said Kitchel. Ringleys turned scarlet.

Meanwhile Saabel was still screaming nonsensical things about fairies and their evil plans to dominate the world and kill all demons, "THEY WANT TO EXTERMINATE THE DEMON RACE AND THEN EAT OUR GOLDFISH AS ORDERVES!"

"Saabel, I think you're the only one with a goldfish except for the nancy-boy over there," said Fedelta as he pointed at Rune.

"Varawoo is a piranha! And my name is not Nancy!" screamed Rune.

"Sorry to burst your bubble but that's not what 'nancy-boy' means," said Sayuri.

"Well then what does it mean?" demanded a frazzled Rune.

"Girly, no backbone, lacking other important male parts…" Sayuri began but was cut short by Amaya shrieking, "NO! Sayuri my delicate maiden ears are burning! We're in a school! Get your mind out of the gutter!"

"What maiden ears?" asked Keanna. "She's delusional," said Luned.

"I could make your ears burn for real!" volunteered Kaosu whipping out a lighter.

"Now, now Saabel," said Kharl patting him on the shoulders, "Stop screeching. I will not change your partner. Besides, faeries aren't plotting to take over the world and kill all demons."

"Actually, that part's true…" muttered Tintlet.

"What was that?" asked Kharl.

"Nothing, nothing," said Tintlet. Rune, Lim Kaana, and Ringleys glared at Tintlet in a way that clearly said, especially to those who could speak glare, _Great, you almost ruined the plan!_

Kharl merely smiled benevolently totally unaware of the faeries and their Hitler-esque plans. He examined the remaining boys and girls before saying, "The next group will be Rath and…" realization struck the demon alchemist hard as he realized just who he would have to pair his beloved with. "Rath Illuser…Rath Jeremy Illuser…"

"My middle name is not Jeremy," said Rath as a vein burst on his forehead. Kharl took no notice.

"Rath Jeremy Caroline Illuser…"

"It's not Caroline either."

"Rath Jeremy Caroline my beloved Illuser…"

"I am not your beloved!"

"Rath Jeremy Caroline honey Illuser…"

"I'm not your honey either!"

"Rath Jeremy Caroline pumpkin Illuser…"

"Do I look orange to you?"

"Rath Jeremy Caroline kittykins Illuser…"

"That's Gil."

"Rath Jeremy Caroline omigawd my hair is on fire Illuser…"

"Omigawd your hair is on fire!"

"Kaosu!" said everyone staring at the pyromaniac blonde.

"I just thought I'd help him along!" she exclaimed innocently.

"I'll save you!" exclaimed Amaya as she hugged Kharl's head desperately, smothering the flames with her own body. Kharl still took no notice.

"Rath Jeremy Caroline my beloved honey pumpkin kittykins omigawd my hair is on fire Illuser is paired with…C-cesia," sobbed Kharl.

"Was that really so bad?" asked Cesia insensitively.

"Wait a sec," said Kaosu whose mind was still on the aforementioned plot of the faeries, "THAT MEANS GIL WOULD DIE TOO!"

Most of the people in the room collectively gasped, they had also found the plot of the faeries much more interesting then Kharl's illegal love life.

"THAT MEANS KHARL WOULD DIE TOO!" screamed Amaya.

"No, it's all right," said Kharl. At first the inhabitants of the room thought he had gone suicidal after being forced to pair Rath with Cesia but that was not the case at all as they figured out when his face adopted a sickly sweet expression, "My beloved Rath would save me!"

"I would help them kill you," growled Rath.

"I would too! I would too!" cheered Kaosu, "Wait that means Amaya would kill me…Your on your own Rath! I have to protect Fedelta and Gil!"

"I don't need your protection," muttered Fedelta.

"What about Tetheus, Rath, and Cesia. Would they kill you guys too?" asked Keanna worriedly.

"No," muttered Rune, "They're practically dragons after all."

"WHAT ABOUT BIERREZ!" shrieked Keanna as realization dawned on her.

"DOESN'T ANYONE CARE ABOUT ME!" screamed Saabel.

"No," said everyone flatly.

"WELL SCREW YOU! I'VE GOT GARABA!" stated Saabel loudly.

"Your best friend is a goldfish. Doesn't that make you feel pathetic?" Sayuri asked him before she was hit over the head by Luned, "Now is not the time for psycho-analysis Sayuri! Mr. Kharl, I find your love life sickening and illegal. Put down the knife Amaya or I'll hit you so hard you won't wake up 'til kingdom come. Now, Kharl please get back to naming off the groups." Everyone sweatdropped at her blunt, flat tone except for Keanna who didn't seem affected at all, Amaya who was pouting about her plan being foiled, Sayuri who was cowering, and Kaosu who was playing with her lighter. Not to mention the various people who were unconscious like Alfeegi and Nadil and Ruwalk who had fainted from sheer fear.

Kharl cleared his throat uncomfortably. He didn't feel like the boss anymore. He looked around and said, "Well, Ruwalk and Zoma it looks like you're the last pair. That means Luned will have to be a single parent."

Luned glared, "Just what are you implying?"

Someone suddenly burst into the hallway. It was Laamu Garnas, the school cop. Realization dawned on Kharl, Laamu was the waiter who had looked so familiar! "What's wrong Laamu?" asked Kharl before asking in all seriousness, "Are giant doughnuts destroying the world?"

Laamu sweatdropped, "No. But are there any of your failed experiments I should know about?"

Kharl faked an innocent voice unsuccesfully, "No, no, nothing at all!"

"What's going on in here? Hey Keanna. What are you doing here?" asked Laamu.

"I'm going to be one of the new teachers!" she informed him sunnily, "I thought you were a waiter. What are you doing here?"

"Waiting tables is my part time job. I'm actually the school cop slash nurse," he said as he flipped his cop cap inside out and it became a delicate white nurse's hat.

"Laamu, how do you know her?" asked Gil suspiciously.

"She uh…helped me come to terms with my…gayness…" said Laamu blushing.

"Oh…" said Gil, also blushing. Sayuri glanced between them before brightening up, "Oh I get it, you're both-" She was cut off as Keanna clamped a hand over her mouth.

"Well, Laamu what brings you here? I told you I was punishing those troublemakers today," said Kharl.

"Well that's why I came. You see," he said as he pulled a young boy with white blonde hair and a very pink face out from behind his back, "I found him sneaking around the school yard causing trouble and thought you might like to deal with him too."

"Midget!" burst out Amaya and Kaosu.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!" shouted Midget.

"Oh, sorry Butterboo," said Amaya, Kaosu, Sayuri, Luned, and Keanna flatly.

"I'm confused. Whose midget is it?" asked Kharl.

Kaosu, Sayuri, Luned, and Keanna pointed at Amaya who pointed at Kaosu. Seeing she was outnumbered she defended herself as best she could, "He's not my midget! He's the younger spawn of my parent's loins!"

"In other words, her younger brother," clarified Sayuri.

"Huh?" said Kharl confused. "Don't talk about it, her parents are divorced," Keanna whispered in his ear.

"She was supposed to watch him today. But instead she tied him up in the boot closet to come here," said Luned glaring at Amaya disapprovingly.

"It's amazing what duct tape can do," muttered Kaosu. Sayuri nodded.

"None of that matters now! Just feed me!" whined Butterboo.

"Okay, okay," said Amaya, "Did you bring your kit?"

"Yeah," he said before a demonic smile spread across his face, "I waited for you to give me my shot."

"Sh-shot…" repeated Amaya, shrinking back.

"Shot?" asked every other conscious person in the room.

"She's afraid of needles," said Sayuri.

"She's such a baby," sighed Keanna, "I get my blood drawn every time I go to the doctor and I never complain."

"Oh yeah! Well I had raybees shots! Beat that!" said Kaosu her chest puffing with misplaced pride.

"Raybees?" asked everyone. "How the hell did you manage that?" asked Cesia more specifically.

"But it was so cute!" cried Kaosu cryptically, "But it bit so hard!"

Several thoughts that sprung from the gutter flew threw the minds of her listeners but all of that stopped when Sayuri began speaking.

"I know the story. After all I witnessed it," said Sayuri before taking a deep breath and commencing her story, "It was when she was in elementary school. We were visiting a friend of ours who lived on an abandoned farm. There were still half-rabid barn cats hanging around the place and Kaosu decided she wanted one. So she set up a trap that night and in the morning she checked it. Lo and behold she had actually caught a half-rabid kitten. She looked adoringly on it as it hissed and cutely bared its jaws at her as it cowered in the back of the homemade cage. It was then that she decided she wanted to take it out and pet it. And she did. And then the cat bit her with its foamy fangs and then ran away, never to be seen again until they found its corpse caught in the garage door mechanism. Meanwhile, Kaosu was going to the doctor every few days to have a needle the size of a yardstick stuck in her stomach until her doctor decided that she was no longer infected. Luckily he was right and life went on. Kaosu isn't even scared of needles. So, why don't you to the honors Kaosu?"

"My pleasure," said Kaosu needle all ready in her hand before rapidly poking Butterboo with the needle.

"Ow ow ow! I only needed it once!" he protested when he finally got away.

"Well we definitely have enough blood now!" she said smiling.

Butterboo opened his mouth to protest again but was cut short by Amaya shoving a Rice Krispies bar in his mouth, "Now eat your snack like a good little spawn of my parent's loins!"

Kharl was once again hit by a stroke of genius from the heavenly muses above, "Midget Butterboo you will be paired with Luned for my punishment!" he pronounced grandly. "Now gather round everyone and I will share with you the details of your punishment. Rath please stand closest to me. Cesia move over to the other side."

"Of what?" Cesia asked.

"The building,"

"But whose gonna watch Rath to make sure he doesn't kill himself?" asked Cesia stubbornly.

"Oh don't worry," Kharl said as his eyes widened and his jaw went into a slack grin, "I'll watch him very closely."

"That's illegal in 31 states," Sayuri pointed out.

"Cesia! SAVE ME!" screamed Rath.

This wouldn't have come about without the help of my four crazy friends…five if you count the voice in my head. Yes, Butterboo is my little brother and he's a diabetic if you didn't guess. I actually do call him Butterboo. And the story about Kaosu, the cat, and the Raybees shots was 100 true. I think I should also clarify on the weapons you will see me and my crazy friends using:

Amaya: Hole-y kitchen knife

Sayuri: Peashooter which contains the special darts that put people out or make them act insane

Luned: Her giant, vicious pet rock (more like boulder), Rocky

Kaosu: Lighter and other various ways to make fire and/or explosions (what else would you expect from a pyromaniac?)

Wait for my next chapter to see how they all deal with the demon 'Eggys'! Mwahahaha!

Do not, I repeat DO NOT expect them to be updated this fast next time.


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